Modern Panchatantra

(Imagining a situation when I am left alone in the company of a goat and I have nothing to do. The goat, interestingly can talk, and that makes me curious. The following is an excerpt from one of the conversations that I had with the goat)

Goat: Let me ask you something. Do you think you are superior to me in anyway? “Superior” – within quotes, like mini me does in Austin Powers!

Me: Oh yeah I do! But very well, after you mentioned you are fan of Austin Powers, I may have to rethink the whole thing. *sheepish grin*

Goat: Now you thought that was funny? Can I ask you why exactly do you think you are superior?

Me: Well if you are giving me a choice there, I would opt for you not asking! I am not really looking forward to an intellectual argument with – of all things in this far and wide world – a GOAT!

Goat: Don’t ever dare you say that, dimwit! You don’t think you have two horns extra, do you? For the fact of it, I do! *proud laughter – something that goes muhaahaahaahaa*

Me: Aargh! I never imagined a goat could laugh that way. Or for that matter any way!

Goat: And before you skip the point, and this time I don’t give you a choice – c’mon tell me what makes you superior?

Me: You know something – now this is so ridiculous! I mean, I don’t understand why I have to answer this!

Goat: I will probably explain why at the end of it all, but first answer me – you Bozo!

Me: *frustrated and helpless* Well then, if that is what it is, let me try some inspired guessing. Goatie, you can’t drive a car and I can! Simple eh?

Goat: Duh – and you talk about training! Has anyone ever tried training me to drive a car? Try doing that and I bet I will learn quicker than you! Not to mention the bribe you gave to that officer to get your license *blurp!*

Me: Now look here! I know I am throwing arrows in the dark. But do you really think we have something to debate here? I mean this is so outrageously obvious!

Goat: I don’t think so! So better get serious on this!

Me: Okay then! * a brief pause for some gasping * Now this is serious! I mean, serious trouble!!

Me(again): I can sum up a huge list of numbers and tell you what the total is – atleast approximately – if you know what I mean! Believe me, I have never seen a goat do that! Uh!! * sense of relief *

Goat: Same thing again. Teach me how numbers work and what you mean by “summing” them up and I will do the total for you! Accurately, for that matter!

Me: Hmm.. playing smart eh? Don’t know anything and blame it all on me? Am I committed to be some kinda life long coach for ya? I have other things, you bet!!

Goat: Now gimme a break! I thought we were debating this on paper! I ask you – theoretically – what is it that makes you superior than me? See if you can answer that! Don’t complain on training issues – and by the way, I can find better trainers than you – if at all I choose to get trained! * evil grin *

(And as the argument reaches fever pitch one Mr. Alan Turing passes by the wayside! Being the eternal supporter of the human race, he inquires me what’s the trouble! I cry out the whole thing to that guy. He smiles gracefully (though I didn’t seem to like it) and whispers a solution in my ears. And here I go.. )

Me: Ok you goatie demon! If you think it is all about training and experience, let me tell you this! If you and I were born at the same time; And if you and I were given similar training to walk talk and do things; And if you and I – after sufficient training – were presented with a maze which we had to solve; And if that maze was an impossible maze – in the sense that it did not have a solution – and we were never told that; I claim that after sometime, I will come out with a decision and announce in all glory that this maze cannot be solved; While you will still be trying to solve the impossible maze!!

* punching my fist and hugging Alan Turing *

Goat: * In deep thought *