Modern Panchatantra

(Imagining a situation when I am left alone in the company of a goat and I have nothing to do. The goat, interestingly can talk, and that makes me curious. The following is an excerpt from one of the conversations that I had with the goat)

Goat: Let me ask you something. Do you think you are superior to me in anyway? “Superior” – within quotes, like mini me does in Austin Powers!

Me: Oh yeah I do! But very well, after you mentioned you are fan of Austin Powers, I may have to rethink the whole thing. *sheepish grin*

Goat: Now you thought that was funny? Can I ask you why exactly do you think you are superior?

Me: Well if you are giving me a choice there, I would opt for you not asking! I am not really looking forward to an intellectual argument with – of all things in this far and wide world – a GOAT!

Goat: Don’t ever dare you say that, dimwit! You don’t think you have two horns extra, do you? For the fact of it, I do! *proud laughter – something that goes muhaahaahaahaa*

Me: Aargh! I never imagined a goat could laugh that way. Or for that matter any way!

Goat: And before you skip the point, and this time I don’t give you a choice – c’mon tell me what makes you superior?

Me: You know something – now this is so ridiculous! I mean, I don’t understand why I have to answer this!

Goat: I will probably explain why at the end of it all, but first answer me – you Bozo!

Me: *frustrated and helpless* Well then, if that is what it is, let me try some inspired guessing. Goatie, you can’t drive a car and I can! Simple eh?

Goat: Duh – and you talk about training! Has anyone ever tried training me to drive a car? Try doing that and I bet I will learn quicker than you! Not to mention the bribe you gave to that officer to get your license *blurp!*

Me: Now look here! I know I am throwing arrows in the dark. But do you really think we have something to debate here? I mean this is so outrageously obvious!

Goat: I don’t think so! So better get serious on this!

Me: Okay then! * a brief pause for some gasping * Now this is serious! I mean, serious trouble!!

Me(again): I can sum up a huge list of numbers and tell you what the total is – atleast approximately – if you know what I mean! Believe me, I have never seen a goat do that! Uh!! * sense of relief *

Goat: Same thing again. Teach me how numbers work and what you mean by “summing” them up and I will do the total for you! Accurately, for that matter!

Me: Hmm.. playing smart eh? Don’t know anything and blame it all on me? Am I committed to be some kinda life long coach for ya? I have other things, you bet!!

Goat: Now gimme a break! I thought we were debating this on paper! I ask you – theoretically – what is it that makes you superior than me? See if you can answer that! Don’t complain on training issues – and by the way, I can find better trainers than you – if at all I choose to get trained! * evil grin *

(And as the argument reaches fever pitch one Mr. Alan Turing passes by the wayside! Being the eternal supporter of the human race, he inquires me what’s the trouble! I cry out the whole thing to that guy. He smiles gracefully (though I didn’t seem to like it) and whispers a solution in my ears. And here I go.. )

Me: Ok you goatie demon! If you think it is all about training and experience, let me tell you this! If you and I were born at the same time; And if you and I were given similar training to walk talk and do things; And if you and I – after sufficient training – were presented with a maze which we had to solve; And if that maze was an impossible maze – in the sense that it did not have a solution – and we were never told that; I claim that after sometime, I will come out with a decision and announce in all glory that this maze cannot be solved; While you will still be trying to solve the impossible maze!!

* punching my fist and hugging Alan Turing *

Goat: * In deep thought *

Law of conservation of wealth?
Wealth can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can only be transferred from one container to another..

Is this true?

Dynamite..
Thats Virender Sehwag.. He lives by the following simple principles..

- Batting is about making runs.. no matter what situation you are in..
- A ball from a great bowler is same as any other ball..
- When you hit, hit hard..
- What happened last ball has zero significance..

With these basic principles, he goes in, stands and delivers..

My new hero..

Old wine in new bottle..
Imagination is extremely complex. It has been one of our eternal battles to bridge the gap between imagination, as such, and the various forms of representing imagination - like language, actions etc.

In this sense, any form of art is one such attempt.

The quality of art, if there is anything like that, depends on two things.

- the complexity and beauty of the imagination..
- the closeness of representation of the complexity and nature..

By 'beauty' - I mean that undefined thing, which even as they say "is in the eye of the beholder" - seems to also have the inherent nature of having a common thread running across a lot of human minds.. "Beauty" is thus better left undefined.. Its a 'primitive concept' - so to say! :)

So then, the quality of art, I feel, depends on the nature of the thing it represents and the ability of the art to represent it as closely as possible. Among the two parameters, the first one, I would say is dependent on the artist and hence is difficult to quantify. It is the second parameter that makes me wonder...

Makes me wonder, which art form is the best - when it comes to representing imagination to the closest?

Many times when we say something is great art, we are actually referring to the artist than to the art. Can we eliminate the genius of the artist and just look at the art? Simply put, is it possible to qualify one art form as better than another?

The Bridge over River Kwai..
Its 200 times now, approximately!

Thats how many times I have received this mail about that bridge between Rameswaram and Lanka. Yes, NASA has supposedly given some photographs that indicate that there was some stone structure connecting the two regions! And the mail claims that this is the bridge that those guys - Nala, Neela along with the help of an over-ambitious squirrel, built sometime during Ramayana!!

I dont know whether NASA - which is probably capable of doing such crap - actually did this or not! For the odds of 1000 - 1, I can take a bet that NASA didnt.. And win..

But the point is, I dont care!!

I am amazed at this unique ability of such mails to reinvent themselves! This particular mail that I am talking about came over some 2 years ago to me(200 times may be).. and now that I have forgotten about it completely, it strikes back!!

Hmph!

I wish - every mail client has the capability to scan through mail content that is being forwarded and swear really badly at the person forwarding - precisely at the moment when he clicks that forward button.. It just needs to scan the message for the following combination of words..

NASA-Moon-Russia-Pencil,
NASA-Armstrong-Never-Landed-Moon,
Taj Mahal-Hindus-Shiva,
--God--,
7-other-people-you-know,
Coca-cola-teeth-tender-coconut,
Coke-Pepsi,
Girl-Hospitalised-5 People you know-1 cent for one mail..

And ofcourse, not to miss out

Rameswaram - NASA - Lanka - Bridge!

I also wish - after swearing at him/her to hearts content, the machine reboot immediately..

I know I wont escape from spams even then.. But I guess, I can give it a try anyway.. Just for revenge's sake!! :(

Anyone with such technology please contact me so that I can provide you a list of choicest vocabulary that you can use for the first step described above! :-/

Plan..
Some people are so good at planning things.. And I am so bad at it.. :`(

CNN..
I am amazed that local 'events' like girl getting kidnapped for ransom and mother beating a kid make repeated headlines on CNN.. I remember they used to be corner news in Tamil newspapers..

I used to read it and make fun telling my brother what kind of things make news! Now - this is CNN! :-/

Another regular frontpage feature is Israel and its daily fightings.. If they dont have any GWB speeches that day, this will make the headline!

Just cant understand these guys.. They choose what they want as important news..

Stupid!

Sachin as God..
During one of the many arguments about why Sachin is God when it comes to cricket, someone suddenly remarked, "If Sachin is so great he should have atleast one great fourth innings score, that would have romped India to victory in a test match"..

Valid point! A blemish indeed in the record of a great.. Not even a victory innings, but as far as I can remember, Sachin has not even forced a draw from his batting in the final innings of a test match..

It has mostly been meek surrender or extravagant shotmaking disasters! How I wished he scored a 50 when 120 was required.. How I wished he scored a 100 and more when 300 odd were required.. (so many times)

I remember Sachin accepting to this complaint in a recent interview..

I only remember the likes of Steve Waugh, Mike Atherton, Brian Lara and recently Adam Gilchrist who have waged single handed wars in the last innings to get their team to victory.. Against very high quality bowling - in each case!

Sachin - at that time - was busy stamping his authority on meek bowlers in supportive conditions (probable exception being Shane Warne)..

As Wasim Akram remarked the other day, probably I have to be satisfied with the fact that Sachin is a very good one-day player..

I dont want to agree to this, but I dont seem to have a choice! :(

Funny!
------------ News from CNN ------------------------------------
"One guy said, 'Do you think that will bring it down?' I looked at my son and we were just looking at each other and he said, 'If that doesn't bring it down, I have contacts. I'll get enough to bring it down.' And to me, that meant, they were planning to blow up something."

The students told CNN they were talking about bringing down a car for school transportation -- nothing more.

"I was the only one of us three that didn't buy a car before the semester started in Miami," said Choudhary, a third-year medical student. "So my plan was that once we get to Miami I would buy a car before classes started, and I said that in case I don't find one in Miami, I could have one shipped down from Kansas City."
----------------------------------------------------------------

And for knowing why this is news, link to this. The US police authorities, reportedly, have appreciated what the lady did by reporting whatever bits and pieces that she heard!

Newspaper space is easy.. Isnt it?

For me that woman should rather take up interpreting somebody like Nostradamus. For if she is able to make a terrorist threat out of a car deal, she should be capable of deciphering Nostradamus' cryptic, poetic astrology too!

That might be the first step towards pre-crime investigation science - which as of now happens only in Hollywood! :)

Gandhi..
I have to put down what happened this Saturday night.

There is a channel called the History Channel over here. Saturday night, they screened Richard Attenborough's Gandhi. It has been quite a while since I watched the english version last. Not long ago DD screened the Hindi version every year on Oct. 2, I guess. I am not sure if the practice continues even now!

The 'Fast unto death' scene, just after partition was on. I have never been a big patriot - in any sense - anytime. But when you watch quality stuff that shows what was great about your nation not so long ago, you tend to get a bit emotional.

Om Puri comes to Gandhi and confesses that he killed a muslim kid. He did it because they killed his son. It is a critical scene of the movie. Gandhi tells him "I can find a way out for you . When a muslim kills your son, and you are not able to bear the loss, adopt a child of the same age. Give him all the care that you would give your own son. And make sure the child you adopt is a muslim".

The scene brought tears to my eyes. I dont know what feeling it was. I have never been part of any such riot/tragedy. But I somehow could not control my emotions at that single moment!

For me this scene defined Gandhi. And I announced it to the friends around in my room. One of my senior colleagues asked me not to get too emotional and said Gandhi was the precise reason for whatever happened during and after Partition.

That was around 11.00 PM. I went to sleep at 4.00 AM, Sunday. A heated, nasty argument - quoting literature from 'My Experiments with Truth' to La Pierre's 'Freedom at Midnight' - was what happened inbetween.

Nobody agreed to nothing at the end of it all. We left to each of our rooms feeling charged and drained at the same time - atleast I did!

Now it sounds a wee bit silly. But it was'nt when I was arguing! :)